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Back in May, I posted an article on What is Sadism? I read over it tonight and realized I had a much broader and more specific understanding of the term now after more in-person situations. It needed an update.

Tonight, there are a few factors leading up to my writing this article.  I’m listening to the rain and have my balcony door open to let in the petrichor (smell of rain) into my apartment.  I needed to work on some hydration with real water, and today has been an exciting day, even though I never left home.  

I don’t feel the need to post a disclaimer at the top anymore since everyone has played nicely and we’ve had some good discussions.  Sadism is a subject I wrote about on my blog way back in May.  I read over it, and while a lot of it is still true, I’ve learned more since then.  Hence, the need for an updated review of what a sadist is to me.

Let’s talk about what a sadist is NOT in my connotation of it.  A sadist is not overly cruel, does not violate consent boundaries, does not prey on the vulnerable, traumatized, or “wounded gazelles” of a herd.  A sadist does have a code of ethics and follows them carefully to keep control of the demon instead of letting it control the sadist.  Someone who is overly cruel, violates consent boundaries, and preys on the vulnerable is an abuser, a sexual assaulter, and should be shunned or banned from a community.

What is a sadist in my view?  I won’t lecture on the origin of the word.  Too many people here already know that.  Just Google or Grok it and you’ll find out.  A sadist is a dominant person who enjoys, to the point of sexual arousal, inflicting pain on a willing subject or submissive.  The keyword is willing.  A sadist should not play with someone who is NOT a masochist UNLESS they’ve given express permission and derive pleasure from pleasing the dominant while not enjoying the pain.  There are more than a few of those.

For me, my preference is only to do sessions with true masochists.  It’s better for them and for me.  I can express myself more and worry less about holding things in.  It’s a relatively simple test.  If the sub says they are a masochist, then give them a good spanking.  It doesn’t need to be enough to bruise.  Check their state of arousal by either something being hard or something being wet.  If they aroused after that pain, then they are a masochist.  If they are not, then they are confused or wishful submissives.  Politely let them up and have a talk with them about it.

Can someone be converted to masochism?  The short answer is no.  Longer answer is a very iffy maybe?  But I don’t think it is wise to try to do so, as it leads to possible trauma and manipulation of consent, etc.  “But the sub begged me to after all.”  Did they?  Did they really? Or did the dominant get them into subspace and then renegotiate the boundaries?  THAT IS NOT FAIR OR RIGHT.  It’s like taking advantage of a drunk or roofied person.  No.

A sadist realizes each submissive is a different work of art or musical composition.  Some want slow crescendos while others wish for loud, death metal-style sadism.  The sadist goes with what the sub wants and can handle.  Does this sometimes evolve?  Yes, it can, but only when discussed rationally and away from the session.  Even then, it should be slept on and discussed again to give the sub time to really think about it.

A sadist also knows their tools—the right tool for the right job.  I recently read an experience of a slave whose master was in a very irritable mood.  He announced he was going to whip her.  He had done so before, but as the session started, she noticed he only used floggers and not whips like normal.  Why?  Because he could still work out his anger issues, but not do actual harm to her for a bad reason.  Was she willing for him to use the whips?  Yes.  Did she appreciate his caution?  YES.  

A sadist makes sure the sub wants marks ahead of time.  Most masochists are damned proud of their marks and will love showing them off.  Many love to have a “button” or specific bruise area they can push on later the next day or so to remember the session.  Some subs only want stingy, some only want thuddy, and some love a mixture.  It is the duty of the sadist to find out what his submissive wants BEFORE ever beginning.

Once there is a secure and, yes, loving relationship between the sadist and his masochist, then boundaries can be rethought.  The sub becomes more willing to try new things to please the sadist.  The key point is that the sadist must be the dominant figure, and as such, they need to be the adult in the room or session, making rational and sound decisions. Suppose my submissive is taking more than normal because the sub is in subspace.  I stop, wait until the sub is rational again before ever continuing.  Doms have to make the hard decisions, or they shouldn’t be Doms.

In conclusion, in all my time observing other Doms in action?  I’ve only ever seen one or two other Doms who were true sadists.  What was the difference?  Hmm…well, you can tell when a sadist is truly enjoying their work.  It stands out in the snap of the strokes, the merciless placement of the strokes, and how the Dom pauses to drink in the sounds and wiggles of the sub in pain.  Some individuals are too cautious, don’t trust themselves enough, or struggle to read verbal and physical cues, which can lead them to miss the distinction between a sub wanting more and one who is crying.  The sub that is crying very possibly wants more.  Maybe this is too hard to explain.

As always, please feel free to comment, add your opinion, ask questions, and discuss.  The purpose of my articles is to enlighten but also encourage discussion.