AI art by me

I posted this on Fet two nights ago and it was quite well received. I’ve had nice comments from submissives I’ve never known before. Just a quick update: I’ve been enjoying the social scene quite a bit and even have an idea for a lovely D/s story from something that happened at a Munch! All is well…very well.

Someone pointed out to me that my profile emphasizes the desire for obedience. I realized that on surface reading of my profile, anyone could assume I meant instant or fast obedience. This is NOT the case. For this reason, I am writing this article to explain my thoughts on the subject.

Obedience can come from more than one place.

It can come from fear. Fear of the authority figure or fear of the punishment given by an authority figure. Fear is a quick and dirty way to achieve obedience from a subject or sub, but it is a fleeting thing. Fear-based obedience lasts only as long as the fear is felt or remembered. This can cause a very vicious cycle that stumbles too easily into abusive situations. Fear only goes so far, so often, which means it must be frequently escalated. This leads to a host of problems and trauma situations.

Young, inexperienced Doms or ones that read too much and know too little think a raised voice and painful smack is all it takes to train a submissive into obedience. Sadly, some submissives are too eager to react to such nonsense because they are also young or inexperienced. This perpetuates the myth. I often read where submissives try to explain that going into their messages, calling them degrading names, then commanding obedience is expected to work. It is the reason so many submissives leave social media situations because of this idiocy/harassment.

So where does true obedience come from?

It comes from consistency, caring, and making the person feel seen and respected for their gift.

A submissive who can’t count on their dominant to be consistent with rules, with punishments, and with communication is going to grow resentful, feel less than, and begin to rebel. I’ve met and dealt with a few submissives who told me I had “broken their brat” because they no longer desired to test me or prod me. They learned better.

They learned better not just from consistent punishments but from realizing I meant what I said, both for consequences and rewards. Yes, rewards! There’s a reason positive reinforcement became such a big deal in education. It can really help (it can also be overused, too).

In beginning a dynamic, it can start small, with control being given to the Dom over one or two areas only. Rules are discussed. The sub is heard. Compromises are made. After that, the proof is in the actions over the words. It might not be popular to say this, but being a good Dom is very similar to being a good parent. Parents who have fair, understood, and discussed rules deal with a lot less rebellion, angst, and bad behavior. I didn’t say all…just less.

Obedience comes when the submissive knows the Dom truly cares about them as a person and wants what is best for them. Obedience from love or loyalty is a compelling thing… potent. It is what will keep their nose in the corner when no one is looking. It is what will make them confess sins the Dom would have never known about. It is what makes them enjoy kneeling, serving, and disappointing or angering their Dom, which is painful in the physical and emotional sense.

Submissives who know their Dom listens to them will keep communicating and even share things they never thought they would. They feel seen and appreciated. It may not be good form, but as a Dom or Master, I still tend to use please and thank you. It’s just being civil and showing respect. If you show respect, then you can expect it back.

In conclusion, I was commenting on the beauty of true and lovely obedience on a Fet post where the submissive dutifully stood with nose to corner. Her bottom was bright red, and her arms were held behind her back. I’ve watched this dynamic for a while, and they have a lovely relationship.

I got a response from a male Dom who commented on how rare it was to find such a thing. It got me thinking, and I almost commented back that I hadn’t had much trouble with it. I didn’t because that wasn’t necessary, needed, or helpful. It did start me thinking about why I haven’t had that much trouble finding good obedience in my dynamics. This led me here.