AI art by me

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  – Stephen Covey.

This is very, very true.  I enjoy using this quote for several reasons but mostly because it illustrates the point I am wanting to make in this writing: one of the most important traits for a Dom to have is listening to their submissives.

God, I love submissives!  They are so…well, it’s why I’m a dominant because I love the ways, the talk, the actions, the tender honesty of submissives.  It’s a win-win because they enjoy gifting their submission to worthy folks and I love receiving their submission/obedience, etc.  It doesn’t even have to come from a dynamic!  I can feel the sweet attention of a submissive who is just trying to help me or be kind to me because they are hardwired to be that way.

One thing I have learned and had reaffirmed over the last few years and especially the last few months is a submissive will tell you what they want to submit to you, what they want you to do to them, what their turn-ons are and turn-offs, and what they are thinking on a nearly constant basis.  The way to learn these things is to just listen to them, really listen.  

All the time, I hear submissives subtly telling their dominants what they want, need, or wish for in casual conversations near me at munches or online in FetLife.  Submissives, by their very natures, will ALWAYS tell on themselves IF you are listening for it.  They can’t help it.  It just comes spilling out of them.

Some examples:

“Daddy, my plans fell through so I’ll be just sitting at home now.”

Translation:

“Daddy, please, please, please, can I come over to play with you?  Tell me yo want me!  I’ll be so good for you.”

Submissive:

“You make me feel so squirmy and want to be your good girl when you say things like that, Sir.”

Translation:

“Please, keep giving me commands and let me show you I can obey, be good, and become your good girl.  I already recognize you as a Sir and want you to be my Sir.”

There’s a whole lot more I could share, but this gives you a taste or idea of what I mean.  Granted, I usually deal with female submissives, and females are generally gifted with speaking in multiple levels at the same time with just a few words.  This transfers very well into being a submissive who will tell you what they want and don’t, and when and where, IF you listen.

Another tip: show them you were listening.  Point it out to them!  “I heard you asking me this, and that’s why I’m responding.”  This is positive reinforcement, so they will work a little harder at giving you the soft tells.  The other side of this situation has been when I’ve observed a dom who is not listening and sees the sadness in the sub at not being heard or validated.

Perhaps it’s just my perspective on how I interact with submissives, but I believe it holds everywhere.  A sub’s overactive brain can’t help but spill out small details and confessions that give a Dom who listens a road map of where to go next, so give it a shot and listen with better ears and “an intent to understand” and not just waiting to reply.”