AI art by me

I should be going to bed.  I am in Amarillo and will be in Durango, CO by tomorrow afternoon/evening.  I stayed up too late last night playing chess with my son because I owed him one more chance to win.  I’d had a good streak of wins lately.  I know that’s a lot of “I” sentences, but too bad.

Something of note before I begin my article: Friday nights are called “Lingerie Night” at Twin Peaks.  Yes, I found one here in Amarillo.  Since I am about to leave Texas for a while, it behooved me to enjoy the atmosphere and the fried shrimp again.  Lo and behold, when what to my wondering eyes should appear?  Lots of lovely young ladies with nearly bare rears.  It was a perfect night to be an assman.

“The one who wears the collar has the power.”

I thought this was an actual quote by someone, but nothing came up for it when I searched the Internet. In fact, the AI search engine grossly misunderstood it in some cases to mean the opposite of what it should be. After looking hard enough, I did find where consent was mentioned as being essential to D/s dynamics.

A number of comments and conversations I’ve had recently have made me want to clarify this idea/quote, which I find crucial to a true D/s relationship/dynamic. Way too many people seem to think that being a submissive or calling a dominant “Sir” means giving away or surrendering their free will. This is not the case!

This is where I may diverge from what other dominants think or say, so I only speak for myself with my own opinions.  I’ve already written a little about this in different ways and various articles, but I want to plainly state it: there can be no dominant if someone isn’t willing to submit.  Submission doesn’t mean a loss of free will but a handing over of consent to let another make decisions for them.  They agree to be bound by the oath, vow, and promise to follow what they are told, yes, this is true, but only in the areas and situations they have agreed to previously.

“Wicked Complicity” is how one of my submissives put it to me.  She stated I was masterful at getting her to want to do the things I would command her to do, but she did them to please me more than because I commanded them.  Am I splitting the hair too fine here?  The submissive is an accomplice and not a slave.  Yes, I’ve had a slave before, which is vastly different, but even there, it was still somewhat complicit.  She chose to become my property because it pleased her to be my property.  It filled a need in her.  It wasn’t even a 24/7 situation because she felt she wasn’t strong enough to keep it up for that long period, and I didn’t argue, cajole, or command anything differently.

I may be very wrong, but too many women feel that giving in to becoming a submissive means losing themselves and becoming a nothing, a doormat.  To me, this couldn’t be further from the truth.  It empowers them to overcome old paradigms, release the babbling voices of anxieties, and allow the sweet silence of doing pure service for another.  Religiously, it is often quoted in scripture that “to find yourself, you must lose yourself in the service of others.”  How many self-help books or therapists suggest putting aside the tangled knot of your problem to help unravel someone else’s, only to find that when you return to your situation, the solution often presents itself much faster?

Seeking and enjoying validation of your worth as a service person to another isn’t something to be ashamed of or frightened of.  Society and dogma seek to disgrace this situation, but it’s wrong to do so.  What two mutually consenting adults do with or to each other is their own business, and the world can dance the Hully-Gully (a nicer version of doing biological impossibilities to oneself).

I have no idea if I’ve done any good with this article or just muddied the waters even more, but it was my best shot, so I took it.  Perhaps we can spark a conversation/discussion in comments about others weighing in with their opinions or experiences with this complicit obedience thing.  I’m tired enough to go to bed now. 

Night.