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How To: Understand the Alpha Sub (Nothing Box)

AI art by me…yes, it’s a guy. I CAN make those…just don’t want to usually.

PLEASE VIEW THE FOLLOWING VIDEO PRIOR TO READING THE POST, THANKS – the management

I had a rudimentary understanding of this concept earlier, but it has become much more nuanced recently. Thanks to some comments from “she-wolf” on my last How To post and other conversations I’ve had recently, I wanted to share my current understanding and see if it resonates with the three or so alpha submissives I know who read my blog. By the way, I find that highly flattering.

To get a firm understanding of why the warrior princess submissive (okay, I bought the book but haven’t read it yet so I could be saying this wrong) or alpha sub needs, craves, and becomes addicted to the place she goes when the right Dom or Master is found for her.

I hope you watched the Mark Gungor video about the brain differences between men and women for five minutes. His explanation is the best I’ve come across, and I used to show it in my classroom in the hopes of educating the guys more than the gals. Who knows? It’s essential you’ve watched it because I will refer to his term: The Nothing Box.

Men, God bless us, have a wonderful box or part of our brains that holds nothing.  It is silent, it is empty, and we absolutely love it!  We go there to chill, to decompress, and so forth.  Women have no such thing and have a tough time comprehending it.  As Gungor jokes in his video, the woman sees the box and goes, “Maybe some nice curtains? A few…”  “NO!” Says the man.  “Then it wouldn’t be a nothing box!”

This could well explain why men love fishing, surfing channels, and just staring off into space, pretending to be thinking…we’re not. Women wish they could have a Nothing Box. Their minds are like a web browser with over two thousand tabs open, and they know what’s happening in each tab. AND, as a submissive told me recently, “they know where the music is coming from. “

This Nothing Box is the crucial ingredient to understanding what draws and keeps the alpha sub with certain Doms or Masters.  The state of mind they reach when in a good, deep submissive mode with this male is their version of the Nothing Box.  All the voices, the chaos, the worries, the emotions, the future plans, the regretted plans, the reogranizing the living room in their head for the twelfth time, the replaying of the rude things their children, husband, lover, whoever said to them in the past three months,  I could go on for a lot longer.  All of it stops!

It is peaceful.  There is the Dom/Master, and there is her.  There are his commands, needs, wants, and nothing else for her in that space in her head and heart.  They LOVE it.  If you doubt their brains are as busy as I described above?  I will reference Hermione Granger’s quote:  “Not everyone has the emotional range of a teaspoon, Ron.”

Once the alpha sub has tasted this place, she will want it more and more.  She will first be somewhat embarrassed. She wants it so bad that she is very willing to do things she thought she’d never do for a man.  It pleases her, and it pleases him.  She may find herself naughtily coming up with suggestions for the Dom that will put her back in that zone or space.  This isn’t subspace. That’s different, I think.  Maybe it is the same?  I’ll have to hear from those who know.

There’s no reason to explain it more than I have.  I could talk about the ways to get her there, but I’ve already done those.  It’s simply what switches off her alpha mode and switches on her submissive, meek (yes, I’ll say it), obedient mode.  There, she finds the quiet she craves, the centering she needs, and the peace that will permeate the rest of her world.

Responses to “How To: Understand the Alpha Sub (Nothing Box)”

  1. nora girl

    I always feel a bit thrown when I see the term “alpha submissive”, as I’ve always thought of the term “alpha” with regard to social hierarchy within a pack. Therefore, to me, it only makes sense to talk about alpha submissives or beta submissives, when referring to a group that includes more than one submissive, such a a harem or poly situation. However, I recognize that the term gets applied more broadly in D/s and symbolizes a submissive’s strength, self-possession, confidence, and capabilities. In any case, while I don’t use the term “alpha” to describe myself as a submissive, I AM alpha out in the world, in my career, within my family, etc. It’s not something I ever aspired to, I just am. And my Sir loves this about me and talks about how bending me to his will is all the more sweeter because he sees how strong and capable I am.

    As far as the “nothing box”… well, I prefer the term “peacefulness” or “equanimity” (there goes my alpha self, using the terms that I prefer 🙂 ). And yes, being taken to that place as a result of my submission is the sweetest feeling. I’m not sure I would equate this feeling with subspace though. In subspace, I am high off endorphins and have this almost floaty feeling, and yes… I want more and more when I’m in that place, and am likely to say or do things that could threaten my own wellbeing. But when Sir gives me an Assignment…for example, today I had to kneel in front of a mirror and say the line “Sir’s love for me is heartfelt, powerful, and incredibly intense” 100 times…and as I was completing this assignment, kneeling on the hardwood floor, my legs burning… this completely peaceful feeling washed over me. I was no longer thinking about my To-Do list, my students, my other responsibilities…so I guess you could say, my submission put me in the “nothing box”. It took me to this beautiful, equanimous place within myself.

    Thought-provoking post, Jon! Thank you 🙂

    Reply
    1. Grey Man

      You’re welcome. Thank you for the though-provoking comments. At least, you can recognize when the alpha comes out…such as your own terms…or making suggestions…or…or…lol XOXO

      Reply
  2. hitandrun1964

    I once told my husband that if we exchanged brains I would die from boredom in five minutes, while he would die from over stimulation. Pretty much says it all and I never want a nothing box.

    Reply
    1. Grey Man

      I can easily agree about the overstimulation part. Glad you are content with it and don’t want the Nothing Box. 😏 Thanks for stopping by.

      Reply
  3. hitandrun1964

    😊

    Reply
  4. VanillaW

    Men, God bless us, have a wonderful box or part of our brains that holds nothing. It is silent, it is empty, and we absolutely love it! We go there to chill, to decompress, and so forth. Women have no such thing and have a tough time comprehending it. (…) This could well explain why men love fishing, surfing channels, and just staring off into space, pretending to be thinking…we’re not.

    Oh well ! I just learnt I’m a man, apart from the fact I don’t pretend thinking when I’m not, and I don’t surf channels ^^. Does scrolling on the I-/smartphone or playing candycrush or other little silly games also counts as “Nothing Box’s” activities ? In that case, I see each day a bunch of men and women equally who do that in the metro ;).

    Fun fact, I had an long interview today with one of my students, a young man, who has no “Nothing Box” and struggles to handle his emotions and anxities. He just couldn’t stop thinking about millions of things at the same time, and panic, and talk about it. His brain was buzzing all along. It was intense !

    But my mother – who has always been a very, very anxious woman – can never stop overthinking, and it’s exhausting ! For me, it’s really not a wo/man thing but an anxious/less anxious thing, and our own capacity to create this inner “Nothing Box” to deal with all our emotions and thoughts. I learnt at an early age to find it (foremost as a protection), and later to use it in the right moment (not only as a protection, though, but essentially as a peacefull and refilling space) : I’m lucky enough to find it on my own, without any help (but I like using music for it, when I can).

    Well, the video made me laugh, even if I strongly doubt of its scientific validity !

    (By the way, before I saw this, I was overthinking about the answer I would give to a question of yours, in a comment; I didn’t want to rush on that one, but I rushed on this last post !)

    Reply
    1. Grey Man

      Ooo, such a lovely and long comment. Thank you. I don’t think the phone thing or Candy Crush count as the Nothing Box because they are still…something. It isn’t the same as escapism. It’s a Sleep Mode for the brain like on a laptop. I am willing to guess that while you play Candy Crush you are still thinking about two or three dozen more things.

      You’re a professor. That’s very cool. I’m curious what subject if that’s not prying too much. I am also very comfortable taking our conversation to an email level if that would be more comfortable to you.

      It sounds to me like you and nora would be very good friends. Both skeptical, both alpha-ish, I know you don’t like me trying to pigdeon-hole you. I’m not. Just getting a clearer picture.

      The most flattering thing in your comment is I have you overthinking anything in the first place. As you intended, I am wondering what it was/is? And to be clear, I do clearly remember you have a partner. 🙂

      Reply
  5. VanillaW

    Thank you your reply and compliments ^^. I’m not a professor, but an “educator”. My role – for teenagers (a bit large, from 11 to 20) – is to ensure their safety and well-being at school, and their respect for the rules. Concretely, shortly and without exhaustivity, I appease conflicts between students (all the time for the youngests !), between teachers and students (often, too), between parents and teachers (less often); I prevent and/or deal with harassment ; I organize with students activities that does not involve academics (some can be purely fun, like ball or valentine’s day), other are activities to developp skills like empathy or the art of mediation ; I state punishment and/or reparation when a student breaks rules. I have no classroom but an office at school, and we, educators, work with our door constantly open (like our mind !). We work with all people in a school : students, teachers, social workers, directors, doctors, parents, and our own little special team “school-life”. Our work is essentially a work in team and to use a metaphor, we are kind of mortar in a wall of bricks.

    As for what I was overthinking, it was about your questionning whether I was sure to be “vanilla”. Yes, I am. But I was reflecting about my certainty and how I arrived at that point, if it was out of habits, kind of comfort zone, or something that was very deep in me, and why. And I had to few time recently to put proper english words on it !

    Reply
    1. Grey Man

      Ooo, you’re an administrator! I spent over thirty years working with all kinds in the classroom. It was NEVER boring and I have a few hundred, thousands? of “daughters” out there, too. It sounds like you’re back east perhaps with the larger team approach than I usually saw out here in the western states.

      I’m curious to hear if it is habit, comfort zone, or something deep, and, of course, the why.

      Thanks for this engaging dialogue.

      Reply
  6. šunktokeca

    Loved the clip. Thanks.

    Reply

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