AI art by me…was tempted to title it “The Look.” If I need to explain what that is…I feel bad for you. 😉

This one will be tougher than the others I’ve done so far.

It will be a little like trying to describe the taste of salt: either you’ve tasted it and understand it, or you haven’t, and you can’t. I’ll still give it a go because it’s crucial to proceeding with the other steps.

How do you recognize if a woman is a submissive?  Forgive me; I will need to stick with the feminine gender since it is my area of experience.  

Let’s look at physical cues first.

Her eyes.  Watch what she does with her eyes.  Women speak more about their feelings with their eyes than any other part of the visible anatomy.  See what I did there??  Women won’t like me telling you that, but it’s so true!  It’s about where they look and how they look.

If you suspect a woman is submissive in nature, you must look her squarely in the eyes as you say things that might be taken as flirtatious or dominant.  If she’s been sassy?  “What am I going to do with you?” That would be a reasonable response, and then see how she reacts.  If her eyes drop even a little as you gaze into hers?  It’s a good sign.  

Another good giveaway is if she watches your mouth more than your eyes when you are talking to her.  This is an old date trick I used to teach my sons.  If she’s looking there, she’s thinking about it, and that usually means she’s wondering or wanting a kiss.  A submissive’s eyes will dart from your eyes to your mouth, to looking down.

Her blush.  This is an oldie but a goodie.  Submissive women are often big blushers.  I’ve always thought of it as an involuntary submission on their part.  A confession of their heightened state of emotion or, dare I say, arousal.  I once had a girl so well trained that I only had to say, “Blush calmly.”  She’d turn red and get very flustered…every…single…time.  I finished with her by saying, “I’m not even going to say the word anymore.  When I look at you like this?  I’m thinking it.”  It worked!  Yes, I am a wicked, wicked man.  Like, that’s news.  

Proximity is another way to get her to blush.  If I lean in close to her, and her cheeks turn the color of a ripe apple?  She might be a submissive.  If her eyes lower in the classic coy look, but it’s real and not faked?  She is a submissive.  Another interesting by-product of the blush is that her ears begin to burn.  If she fidgets with her ears as you talk or flirt with her?  It’s a good sign that they are burning and irritating her.  Her hand will go up to rub them over and over again.  She will hate it but will also love it.  At some point, she will confess it to you, too.

Her trust.  The Trust Fall is a classic move in therapy to get people to trust each other.  I found something similar.  Here’s the situation.  She’s told me something she did wrong.  Submissives cannot help confessing their sins to you.  I’d say it is in hopes that you will call them on it and go from there.  She admitted to me that something she did was naughty.

“Give me your hand,”  I tell her, holding mine out.

“Why?” She asks.

“Because I’m going to spank it,” I tell her.

I have an eighty-percent success rate of gently placing her hand in mine.  To be sure, I put mine over it and mimic swatting the back of her hand.  If she jerks back, then leave it alone and play it off.  If she leaves it and looks at you calmly and acceptingly?  You spank the back of her hand.  She will take it back if she is unsure how she feels about this.  In some rare instances, she leaves it there until you’ve decided she’s had enough. 

The Habit.  Along the lines of confessing to you, a suspected submissive will tell you the worst habit they’d dearly like to have changed.  To test her submissive nature, you firmly look her in the eyes and tell her she will no longer do this thing.  You then get a commitment out of her.  “Right?  Do I have your promise that you won’t?” She will likely say yes, blush, and smile.  She’s glad you want to help her and finds it oddly arousing that you’ve just commanded her.

She won’t admit she obeys, but you must follow up.  It is KEY that you follow up the next time you see her.  “Did you do that anymore?”  You ask.  If she says she has not, then praise her.  It might be a bit soon for a Good Girl, but Good Job or Good Work will do just fine. THEN you must thank her for taking her promise to you so seriously.  It has pleased you that she has.  Here again, check for eye response, blush response, etc.

If she tells you she broke her promise?  Don’t get mad at her.  You don’t have that right yet.  You can look disappointed.  Ask why she did that and listen to the explanation.  If it’s a good one, tell her you’ll let it go this time but not the next time.  Can you tell she is feeling guilty for disappointing you?  Try the Trust Hand experiment I mentioned above.

This can lead to an interesting comment or two like: “Are you sure that’s what you wanted to spank?”  Use your instincts and be patient when answering that one.  I’d suggest feigning ignorance of where else you’d spank and make her be the one to explain it.  Complicity in acting out her submission is a great way to speed things along.

Body Language.  It really bothers me that men don’t, on the whole, have any idea what body language says.  Women, especially younger women, speak so loudly with their body language that they might as well be shouting!  Shuffling feet, rubbing thighs together,  rubbing her palms along her thighs, the hair-behind-the-ear move.  

My favorite is The Touch.  Yes, some people can be touchy, but a woman who touches your arm or shoulder as she speaks to you?  Her body is trying to tell you something her brain is too nervous to say.  It doesn’t mean she’s ready to go to bed with you.  It does mean she’s just invited you into her personal space and is comfortable with you being there.  Women see other women doing this all the time to their men and get all riled up about it.  They know it means something.

The physical cues were the easiest to explain.  Now, I’ll try to tackle the more subtle ones: verbal communication and her actions.  I will preface this part by expressing that this is not an exact science.  I wish it were.  What you need to understand about women is if they wrote their own book of instructions.  It must be updated at least once daily, if not every hour or so.  Complexity, thy name is woman. 

Please.  I’m not trying to say that just because a woman is polite, she’s a submissive.  I am going to say that she should pay attention to when, where, and how she uses it with you.  This works best in text such as chat, emails, or phone texts.  To me, in my opinion, did I qualify that enough?  If she uses it at the end of the request, it feels more submissive to me than if it was at the beginning.  “Please, don’t bother yourself about.”  This is different from:  “Don’t bother yourself about that, please?”  

This is another case like the taste of salt.  Some people can read between the lines, and others wonder what the hell the phrase even means.  For those who can read or feel the nuances of the woman’s wording?  It’ll help a lot to know if she is submissive at heart or not.  I can usually get a pretty good read on them in the first few minutes, but I’m also pretty good at reading people.  It’s a nice gift for a Dom to have.  It was also invaluable as a teacher.

Permission.  This is a good tell, as they say in poker.  This is an excellent sign if she starts asking for your permission for things, even small things.  “May I” is a dead giveaway, or “If I may”  or “If it’s all right with you?”  This is a subtle plea for your permission to do or not do something.  I’d suggest NOT jumping on it with a “You may.”  This might alert them to what they are unconsciously doing and end it immediately.  As you get to know them and have this happen often?  Then you can use it and check her reactions.

I could quantify many more of them, but this is a good start.  I would also, respectfully, call on the submissives reading this to tell on themselves what they think are good tells when a woman is a submissive.  The beauty of this is that they want to say something to us and me.

In conclusion, finding out if a woman is a submissive or not is a dance.  You lead the dance steps and see if she responds. If she does, then move on to the next steps.  As you dance with each other, be respectful.  Thank her for the little giveaways she drops to you.  Appreciating and thanking her for the sweet little clues she may fall in your path will lead to more of them being given.  Acting aloof and non-caring is for idiots and egocentrics.  Dom/sub is a give-and-take from each side.  You feed each other, so don’t forget to feed the submissives.