AI art by me

I’m rather proud of my illustration, as it fits in so well with what I’m going to say in this article.

In the world of BDSM, kinks, fetishes, etc, I’ve always observed there is a stigma attached to identifying yourself as a Switch.  It’s one of the two things that irritate me a lot.  One would be those who are just so damned positive they know how “to do” something better than everyone else.  They will tell new folks or honest folks, “No, you’re doing BDSM wrong!”  When is there only one way to do something like this, which is so personal by definition?

The other thing that irritates me is my previously mentioned observation of a stigma added to those brave enough to say, “I am not just one thing but two and perhaps three.”  I’d be happy to learn I am wrong and everyone is cool with it, but I don’t think that’s true.  

My illustration shows the switches between Kink and Vanilla and between Dominant and Submissive.  These are meant to be sliding switches like a dimmer for a light.  It’s not all one way or the other but can be set to a percentage of one and a corresponding percentage of the other part.

A central point I want to make here is something I alluded to in my post yesterday about the script I just did for Selene.  It’s the one where the “tables are turned” and the submissive is edging a Dom as a demonstration.  I was not surprised at all at Selene’s eagerness to do the script.  There are quite a few submissives who feel a definite clenching of their pussies or a definite drip begin when they think about taking the control from their Dom even for a short period.  

Those who do feel that and will admit it are SWITCHING from one side to the other.  It isn’t a permanent deal.  It’s just to fill a new bucket or light a new strand of lights in their turn-ons.  My further point here is to propose that allowing a sub a chance to Dom for a bit makes them a better sub later on when they return to their majority role.  In the meantime, what does the Dom lose in this?  A little pride?  A little or a lot of discomfort?  Yes, but the payoff?  The climax at the end for both of them will be phenomenal and leave both shaking for different reasons.  

Afterward, when they return to their respective roles, they are primed for another phenomenal orgasm after having had their bucket or lights taken care of so well.  Doms have been saying that edging a sub leads to a better orgasm.  It does. So, how is that different if the sub is edging the Dom?  It isn’t.

I’ve always been more attracted to women who are, as one reader describes herself, sassy.  This is a polite way of referring to the fact they are a submissive, but there is some fire there and little pushing of buttons of their Dom.  Sassy subs know what they are getting into and will pay for it in the long run.  It’s mainly why they do it!  

How is this so different from them dabbling in the Dom side of things?  It’s not!  I maintain they become better submissives from it because they understand better why their Dom feels how they do at certain things.  It makes the submissive all the more likely to give the Dom what he wants since she knows better how it makes him feel.  To me, this is a win-win scenario.

Okay, let’s flip that now. Get it? Flip a switch?  No?  Too bad.  

Doms become better when they’ve been on the sub side for at least a taste.  How is that a bad thing if you understand the motivations and fulfillment of the people you’ve been in control of for a long time?  It isn’t.  I am NOT proposing this to all folks.  I am proposing this to those who do get a tingle, kick, kink, throb, clench, whatever in the idea of trying a walk on the other side.  It isn’t for everyone but only for those who would enjoy it.  

For readers who’ve been paying close attention, I’ve been hinting at something that I am now just going to flat out say:  I am a bit of a Switch.  One or two readers here have been with me long enough to know I cut my teeth on erotica stories and blogging by running a FemDom website.  A lot of submissive men attended it, and I used to interact with them on their blogs.  

Our society is not very kind to those who are brave enough to say they are a submissive male.  Submissive female? Oh, sure!  They might get teased a little or hear it from feminists, but society just shrugs and moves on, while a submissive man?  I’ve had sales associates try this tactic on me.  “Well, if you have to check with your wife first.”  This is to goad me into buying whatever it is to prove my dominant male status.  

Back to my admission: It’s always been true, and I’ve always known it. I hid it a lot more in the early days because of my feelings about the stigma. These past couple of months have given me a new perspective. I’m like Joel Goodsen in Risky Business. Sometimes, you just have to say WTF and do what you want regardless of what happens.  I firmly believe it’s one of the reasons I can write a pretty good version of how a submissive feels and reacts for my stories.

The purpose of this article has been to clear the air about Switches and ensure they know there is a safe place for them to be, be seen, and be heard.  In case you didn’t figure it out, it’s here on my blog.