Photo shared on BlueSky – Artist Unknown

I learned an important lesson today: adaption is key to a good and growing D/s relationship. This isn’t really news. It could even be considered an axiom of any relationship or friendship; however, it seems even more important in a situation where such powerful, soulful emotions are involved.

For example, collars will frequently be impossible due to several factors: visibility in the workplace (shae’s blog is an example), medical/health reasons, trauma reasons, and so forth. Just because she doesn’t wear a collar doesn’t mean she isn’t yours. She still is very much so.

An adaption could be a ring, such as the one I featured on this blog, and it can be as ostentatious or subtle as you both agree will work. It could be a fundamental change in the style of underwear she uses. She now wears something as the Dom’s command, and it keeps her very aware of her sexuality and her bondage to him in her obedience.

Obedience can also be adapted and made powerful in simple ways. If she used to use ellipsis to avoid answering something, then take that away from her. The simple act of being unable to hit the period key three times and respond with words is a strong thing.

Exercise, health goals, work goals, or any number of things can be used as good reminders and adapted to keep things strict but non-threatening. They can blend into the vanilla world more easily and be missed by those who don’t know better.

I once knew a submissive who preferred never to wear panties. Her dom would sometimes punish her or remind her of her obedience by wearing a pair for a whole day. She hated it! He loved it. There’s an example of adaption.

So, use some creativity and talk it over with each other. Yes, I am discussing this because I am now proudly and happily with olivia as my submissive. She has made this known on her blog, which is linked to an article here. There are few women more intelligent than my olivia, so she keeps me on my toes with being adaptable.

It was one of many failings I had previously when we were together, and I wasn’t willing to adapt because I saw it as a weakness on the part of me, the Dom, the Will, and the Word. Sigh. What a difference a year or so makes, and what experiences I went through during that time! I’d like to think I’ve changed for the better. I know my writing has become better and more authentic.  

Master Grey