AI art by me. I know…different for me…for a reason.
The title is ambigious for a reason. I was told once I do everything for a reason. I don’t agree necessarily but there it is…we’ll see.
I’m in a thoughtful mood, more so than normal. This is the kind of reflecting that can chance a person. My main question of thought is why do I need to dominate? Also could be extrapolated into why am I a dominant?
Well, there’s the obvious one: control. Do I need to control everything? No, I don’t want to do that because it would be tedious or too time-consuming. Even in the realm of D/s dynamics, I do not want to control every action, thought, behavior of the submissive. I’ve seen what that looks like and it is BORING! No original thought but my own? No opinions but my own? No…that is NOT what I wish in a dynamic.
Is control a part of it? Maybe. One time, I did have a therapist tell me my wanting to have D/s relationships was because I wanted them to be safe for me. As in, I control the relationship therefore I decided when it starts, how it goes, and when it ends. It showed how much he didn’t understand the basics of D/s situations.
In those situations, the submissive plays a large role in what is okay to be done and what is not. It’s elementary, my dear Watson. Sherlock was way to compulsive and chaotic to be a Dom. Watson might have been able. Sorry, digression. She who wears the collar has the power. It is a BDSM axiom. It is very true…or should be. Yes, she can totally give that power to the Dom and then has no more say but…ultimately…it was her choice. Hopefully, she also made it because she trusted the Dom and knew if things got bad that he’d still allow an escape hatch.
I was reading the blog of a sex slave who is quite articulate and very honest. Even she mentions that she feels she becomes just a random woman to her master when he fucks her in certain positions or with certain levels of roughness. I’ve told her I disagree. The master could do that with any random woman. There are quite a few out there if you have the resources and power who will answer the call.
Her master chose her because she is her.
A Dom can’t just pick a random submissive and have the dynamic really work. There has to be connection, chemistry, and, yes, a relationship that is formed. Well, this is true if we’re talking about something that continues outside of the bedroom or the Red Room. Randomness and No Names will work in just doing scenes with someone.
Would dominating a random woman and having her be explicitly obedient for a scene fill my need for it? Yes, it would…for a time. It would be a short time. So it is partially about control, but not completely.
Am I seeking to get revenge on a certain type of woman for the sins of a past relationship either romantic or familial? No. I am not tied to a certain look or body type. heh tied…sorry. This is not a case, for me, of using domination and sadism to make up for past wrongs.
The best explanation I can come up with after thinking about this all night is the exchange. I named the above creation Power Exchange. I have a need to be able to say kneel and she will kneel. Fortunately, there are women out there who need a Dom to tell them to kneel so they can give up themselves in the moment and just obey him.
I postulate there is a freedom in this for both parties. For me, it is a freedom of no longer feeling anxious about a relationship or live in general. God is in his Heaven and all’s well with the world. This is how being obeyed feeds me. She gives me her will, her submission, by her own choice and it is a powerful gift. In return, I use that gift, yes, but in so doing I still keep her in mind.
The old saying women need a reason for sex and men just need a place does have a lot of truth…for the short term…the very short and lonely term. This is the realm of one-night stands where he wakes and doesn’t really remember her name.
To be able to dominate and do it well, I have to know the submissive well enough to understand what she needs and how she needs it. Some need to have limits stretched constantly, some need a more steady structure, it all changes based on the woman. This doesn’t sound to me like some base need to just be bossy of anything feminine and good-looking.
I go back to the chemistry, the connection, the knowing. Yes, it can happen quickly but it can also take some time, too. The true root of this question for me? It was if being a dominant made me a good guy or a bad guy. I was beginning to have doubts I was a good guy for being this way. After consideration, I no longer have doubts. I’m okay. I’m good enough.
Well, if you made it to the end of this then I applaud you for doing so. I’d give you a prize, if I could. I wrote this mostly for myself…self-blog-therapy. You just got to listen in and come along for the ride. Thanks for riding with me.
Master Grey
Grey Man's Memoirs 
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