The pillow or the paddle?

Just some musings about my thoughts on dominant males, etc. As always, this is only my opinion and I do not mean to sound like I know anything more than another.

I was reading through the different groups on FetLife today and came across one about Gentle Doms. I looked further and saw a recent posting in it that asked why was being a dom so often associated with sadism? It’s a fair question. Is it because doms are often men who use the excuse of this dynamic for a reason to degrade, put-down, make lesser-than women? Could be. I am finding that there seems to be a lack of articulate and intelligent men in the world of online D/s. I would like to believe I am a little of both.

What I worry about besides the haters, the incels, the truly misogynistic men in the world is what our society has turned men into lately. Young men growing up these days have a difficult time knowing what to do when there is a lot of noise being made about toxic masculinity and so forth. Yet, at the same time, the number of women who have issues with anxiety and unhappiness is rising dramatically. Am I suggesting they all need a good spanking? No. I am suggesting they need to admit certain truths that have been truths for a long time.

Women are more of the nurturers as opposed to men being the head of the family unit and being a strong guide, a strong influence, and, yes, sometimes a firm hand in dealing with issues that come up. I’m left wondering if there a lot of men who feel the need to apologize or berate themselves for the desire to administer some firm hand discipline to a female loved one? I do see there are a lot more women who are wanting such a situation and a lot less men who are willing to do it without remorse.

Yes, I do have some sadism in me. Yes, I have enjoyed and hope to enjoy in the future administering a good spanking, paddling, or other to a woman who wishes it. It can be for either disciplinary reasons or because she needs an emotional release or a time-out in her mind from all the buzzing and sparking of daily troubles. In some rare cases, she might want the enjoyment of the spanking itself.

I worry some men who are with such women might feel a societal pull, tug, constraint to not admit they don’t mind doing it and might even enjoy it. We aren’t supposed to enjoy things like that! Some actually don’t and that’s fine, but I think there are more that do and are not comfortable embracing that side of themselves. Is it a selfish or wrong thing to become aroused at the tears of the woman across your knee? It is if there was no consent…let me be VERY clear on that point. I am NOT advocating discipline or sexual spankings done against the will of the woman or man.

At one point, there were more than a few movies who showed such scenes of discipline taking place: John Wayne, The Lucille Ball Show, and even Elvis could be seen giving a lady a good spanking when needed. However, this led to abuse, or did the abuse lead to it? Not sure. Women went into the workforce by necessity during WWII. When Johnny came marching home, women were not as sanguine about going back to home and hearth. This caused some situations where there was firmness applied and done so in abusive ways.

To go more modern, Julia Roberts made the commercial about women voting for who they wanted and not being pressured to do as their husbands wanted. If Johnny Depp made a commercial about a man voting how he wished and not caring what his wife thought, what would have been the reception? Laughing? Ridicule? How could a woman force a man to vote like she does? I can think of several ways and saw them happening. I also admit women of my own acquaintance applauded the Roberts commercial because some men WERE forcing their wives to vote with them. How? Mail-in ballot is the only way I could see that happening. The man can’t go into the booth with the woman nor she with the man.

This is what I mean when I say men have been, still are, and might always be typecast as abusive dominators in their homes and relationships. This is why I wonder if this doesn’t affect the psyche of a man who finds his spouse/girlfriend/partner wishes him to spank her to help her and he balks. Maybe it isn’t like that at all, but I still wonder.

Jon Grey