Now there’s a picture I doubt you thought you’d see. I am not going to be referring to the drug reference of it but it will make sense in a moment.

The idea to write this stems from the story I began today, Charly. It deals with the idea of a dominant man making the acquaintance of a woman who has never been in the Lifestyle but he recognizes, or feels he does, she is a submissive at heart. It isn’t that hard to see in people. It’s a habit of mine, for better or worse, to watch people and couples to figure out who is wearing the proverbial pants in the family. I’m not saying that’s a good way to view the world but…it’s me.

These stories like nearly all of my stories have way more fantasy than reality to them. I do like to believe all my stories could happen but that’s beside the point right now. In writing this story, which is a remake of one I wrote a while back, a situation came to mind that came up from me writing this style of story. I had a subscriber comment and ask:

“But what if the man finds the girl isn’t willing to take the spanking or be obedient? How does he make her?”

Wow. It was then I realized, and also now, I needed to address this issue. I’ve written this in a couple places on this blog but D/s Lifestyle is ALL about consent: INFORMED consent. The easy answer to this subscribers question was you don’t make her. You apologize for the misunderstanding or whatever and move on from there. As is said in this story, fanciful tales and even novels that use the OVERCOME aspect of dominance are very, very dangerous things. It is, to me, removed at an extra level from reality. You don’t force. That’s why I used the Just Say No. Any man or woman who is feeling like they should say it SHOULD SAY IT! Men can be manipulated into being submissive just like women can. In fact, our current society seems to promote it to an extent.

I could with an easy click or two find blogs written by women who talk openly about dominating their men. Yes, in all the ways I express here but the tables are turned. I’d put forth that you can go to any public place where there are lots of people and before too long you will see an example of this dynamic. It shows in how he walks next to her, defers to her, keeps his eyes carefully averted for her. Men who feel this way and enjoy it are perfectly free to do so as long as it is their choice, just like it is for any submissive I relate with. I’ve had conversations with them on their blogs and it fulfills them just as it does for the female submissives. It’s fine. I can understand it better than you might think. I’ve written those stories once upon a time.

To review, you don’t ever make someone obey. I can see you are puzzled. Let me be clearer, submissive women have, in the past, given me permission to hold them accountable for certain areas of their life or themselves. If they break a rule we have agreed upon then, yes, they are punished. Is it forcing them to obey? I say no, it is giving them strong incentive to obey and helps them to be better. They knew it would happen like this and it works for them. Does that clear it up? I hope so.

One of the few things 50 Shades did get right was the need for clear communication and clear explanation of expectations. Although, this flew out the window when she asks him to use the belt then is somehow shocked at what happens? Sigh. Anyway…my characters in story move faster than should be done in real life. A reader doesn’t want to sit there through the negotiation (yes, it is a negotiation) of how the relationship/dynamic is going to play out.

One of the biggest proofs it is working right would be that it is always evolving. Again, in my experience and from talking to others, as the relationship grows then both parties will feel comfortable to change certain parts of their agreement. A submissive woman might find herself melting into deeper and deeper levels of submission to the man. He might feel more of a need to be aware and validating of her real life aspects better as well as how well she obeys and kneels. I hope this will be of help to someone somewhere at sometime. Vague, much? I am hoping to grow this blog but that remains to be seen.

-Master Grey